Happy returns and roses

A shorter gap than usual between posts prompted by a note inisisting that I "update [my] Bluestocking Ramblings to reflect the current state of a) play; and b) [my] heart."

No, it's nobody's birthday. The happy returns are two. Let's start with youth: Penultimate Son has returned for the summer after a term living with his father overseas. Another inch taller, an extra dollop of maturity and the outrageous confidence of a smartarse 15-year-old don't really affect that fact that I still see him, as all the others, as a small child who needs his Mum around, and it never feels quite right when he's away. That is not to underplay the huge part the youngest plays in my life: he is so much like me that it's like having my own shadow there, and when he's away, it feels as if part of myself is missing.

And the other happy return is my scrabble playing lover, whose crisis of confidence worked itself through while I waited and watched. I still love playing scrabble. I also love planning our trip to Paris, listening to soppy CDs and falling asleep over French films, watching our kids make friends while we cook, holding hands and talking, and doing chores together.

Work has settled down too - we've survived to the end of term with the boss still off without cancelling any courses and managed to keep the whole institution running effectively. I've booked a fortnight's holiday in July so I can have a complete break. And it's becoming clear that the college is finding me an increasingly important member of staff as a representative of the institution as well as being a useful tutor, lecturer and general good egg.

All these positives feed on one another, of course, so that my much improved state of mind generally makes me more positive about work, and my sense of being valued at work makes me feel better about life generally. Because I'm happier, youngest son and I are much more contented in one another's company, and that means that he is happier too. It all seems to have been at best grey and dismal for so very, very long, and now it's as if the sun is coming out.

Youngest Son went to stay with Eldest Son for the weekend, and ES rang to tell me YS was on the train - and to ask if YS could come over a lot more often because he and his partner really liked having him around. And to add to the general air of optimistic smugness, Only Daughter passed her first year exams with an average 2:1, and Second Son passed his retakes, so he's going back to Uni next year, and Eldest Son is starting an MA at a local university in Sept.

"Everything's coming up roses..."